God-Winks

Have you heard this expression before? "God-Winks" it isn't really an official definition, but I use the term when there are moments big or small that remind me that God is with me, God is for me, and that God goes before me. This week I had a quite a few and it truly felt like a hug from God reminding me that even in the midst of chaos He is still steering the boat.

We are entering a very busy season. We are about two months ish from meeting our daughter which has meant lots of appointments for me and lots of prep both physically preparing our space for her and my heart/mind to navigate birth etc. It often seems like a never ending to-do list of decisions and choices that make me want to crawl back under the covers and hide! Yet, what good would that do? The lists and questions would still be there when I chose to emerge.

Additionally, our time in Florida is coming to an end. My husband's training is nearing completion, which means work has kept him busy with long days and we are trying to do all the steps that go with a move. Such as timing our departure here, setting up housing at our next place and making sure vehicles etc are good to go for travel. All while wondering what moving with a newborn is truly going to look like.

If you look at it all on paper it is enough to make anyone want to run for the hills. It is in these moments that I feel anxiety, fear, overwhelm and defeat sneak into my mind and heart. It is also the spaces where I know I need to remind my heart of what God has done over and over again for me. He has ALWAYS provided and He has ALWAYS made a way. It may not have been how I would have picked or expected, but it is always what is needed.

There is a worship song that has a line that goes "He is faithful through generations, so why would He fail now? He won't." As I was singing this in church this past week I was reminded of my family. I was blessed to grow up in a multigenerational Christian family. We are also a family who likes to tell stories, in those stories of my grandparents lives or the lives of my parents, Aunts and Uncles etc, it is easy to spot the hand of God guiding and providing. Things they were able to accomplish, the adventures they had, the opportunities placed before them all point back to God and His goodness. He is the same God that He was in those stories as He is in mine. He is also the same God that performed miracles in the Bible and raised the dead to life. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and how thankful I am for that. That He will be the same God for my daughter when she faces trials and any generations after her.

Even with this confidence though, by Sunday night I was overwhelmed by what the week ahead of me held. I started with sending a list of prayers to a trusted circle of friends and family, asking for specific requests and ways they could support us in prayer. Then I spent time praying myself. I moved my Bible and devotional to my bedroom to remove any excuses of not getting my quiet time in each morning. If literally step on it each morning when I get up, makes it kind of hard to forget to do it. It may sound silly, but it has worked.

On Monday I woke up with such incredible peace, truly the peace that passes understanding. That morning I had verses and worship songs pop up that were exactly what I needed to hear. I had a smooth morning with no set backs or struggles. I felt like I had a positive attitude and pregnancy symptoms where not overwhelming. Little things, but to me they made a huge difference. All morning I tried to be intentional about being with God. Speaking truth over my fears when they popped up and surrendering them to Him, as many times as necessary. I left early for my appointment to not be rushed and to have time to pray in my truck before heading in. On the way in there was a car sticker that read "You are enough" I smiled as I read it thinking "well, I know that I am not, but God IS!" A silly moment that gave an odd sensation of peace. The front desk person was lovely, the tech that lead me back and did my initial intake readings etc was so sweet and peaceful. In the in-between moments where I was waiting in the room instead of scrolling on my phone I closed my eyes and prayed. Overall the whole visit went really smoothly and I had JOY walking out of the office.

Today I had another appointment and while I followed similar steps I had a bit more anxiety and fear. Still I repeated truth as I sat waiting, "My God goes before me, My God loves me, My God is Sovereign, He never leaves me or forsakes me, I have no need to fear, I can trust in Him." Did I do it perfectly no, I still let fear and anxiety get the better of me in moments. However, I chose to repeatedly fall at the feet of Jesus. Putting into practice what He calls us to do in His word.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." ~ Matthew 11:28-29

It is the willingness, the discipline of prioritizing God over and over that eventually turns it from a checklist item to a daily rhythm, something we do naturally without thinking about like making your bed or pouring that first cup of coffee. I pray that as I grow in this that I can model it for my daughter. That when we face hard or confusing times as a family or even minor inconveniences that she will see my husband and I turning to God in all things AND giving Him the glory when He comes through. Which because He is a loving Father He always does.

I pray that this becomes the desire of you and your family as well! Whether you are single, dating, married with kids, married without kids, that your desire would be to seek God first in all things. Run to Him for comfort before numbing out with your favorite TV show or venting to friends. That you would keep your eyes open and expectantly look for God-winks in your life. Maybe it is getting the perfect parking spot when you are running behind, your husband offering to do dishes so you can have 15 minutes to pour into you, maybe it is a silly sweet comment your toddler said, be on the look out this week! God-wink moments are all around us and I would LOVE to know what yours are. Comment them below or tag me in them on Instagram!

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