Church Notes

This was my view for church this past Sunday. I was recovering from a cold and with this week being VBS, felt it was best to give myself one more rest day. Online church is not something that my husband and I choose very often. Mostly we utilize it for situations like this when we are sick or we are traveling.

But I found myself asking "Why I am struggling with this?"

Making the decision to stay home seemed like giving myself a "freebie" pass. We lingered in bed longer, we focused on other projects in the morning before making breakfast and then sitting down to watch service. Even as the opening was playing I caught ourselves finishing a few last minute tasks on our phones.

As I was reflecting on the differences between attending in person and attending online, I felt myself sifting through emotions of pride, tradition and expectation. My church dress was replaced with pjs and my attitude towards the whole endeavour was causal. Thoughts around missing church were inward focus on what "I" wasn't doing or would people notice that "I" wasn't there. I am ashamed to say, my initial reactions had very little to do with meeting with God.

The more I processed my emotions around this a few things stuck out to me. First, we are the church, the church is not a building. God does instruct us to not forsake meeting together, but what a gift that technology allows us still to "meet" on Sundays that require us to be apart. Secondly, it caused me to come face to face with this question. "What is my why when it comes to attending church?"

This Sunday highlighted the reality of my broken, messy, human heart. Attending church online this week pulled back a facade I maybe didn't realize was there. Yes, there the distractions and lack of presence was more at home, than if we had attended church, but it exists there too. Often on during worship I will find my mind wandering through to-do lists, random thoughts, going over conversations or whatever else instead of being present. Parts of the sermon can go by before I realize I have been day dreaming or completely distracted by something. This doesn't happen just on Sunday mornings, but in my quiet time too.

I have dedicated the first part of my morning to be my quiet time with God. Yet, I often choose other things before it. I'll start that load of laundry, respond to that message or check that notification. When I do open my Bible I skim the verses instead of sitting with them. My prayers are quick and not heart felt. Granted this is not everytime, but I think more often than not I become lackadaisical in my meetings with God.

How thankful that God continually meets me where I am at and teaches me to become more like Him. I am thankful that in my messy Sunday in my living room or my messy Sunday in the church pew His word can still penetrate my heart with truth and conviction. Grateful that He can use anything, even having a cold to spark an experience that would lead me to grow close to Him.

So this Sunday when we are back to "normal" here is how I am going to prepare to meet with God. I will get dressed in my pretty dress and fix my hair, not because I want others to see it, but because I am going to worship my Savior and it helps me be present. My phone is going into "Do Not Disturb" when I wake up that morning or at the very least as we leave the house. I am going to get in the word before church, instead of "counting" church as my quiet time. I going to continue to work to implement rhythms into our Sunday to make it a day of rest, our Sabbath instead of sneaking in work. Is it going to go perfectly? Absolutely not, I will call it a success if ONE of these things happens. Because I am messy and human, but it will still be a change because my heart has started a shift.

It has started answering the question, "Why am I attending church?" I am attending to corporately worship Jesus and meet with fellow believers, because Biblical community is an important building block of faith. I am going to hear teaching on scripture.

This has been a fun question to meditate on and add too as God reveals more to me on my why. I encourage all of you to journal or think about this question too. If you are looking for scripture to read along with it, the Old Testament is full of different ways people prepared to meet with God and in the New Testament we can read about our heart posture for meeting with God.

I hope you have a great week and enjoy a fabulous cup of coffee.